Concerning the Fourth Worst Poetry Known to Man...
about 1 month ago
– Fri, Jun 08, 2018 at 12:41:53 PM
Hello again, lovelies...
Since the release of our Bedlam Hall book, we expect you have come to know the Blackwood family better than you once did. Through game-play and frequent review of our written descriptions, we suspect you have developed an understanding of their little idiosyncrasies and peccadillos that make them unusual in comparison to most individuals. Indeed, we suspect you may consider the Blackwood family on par with your own family in your familial kinship with their ways.
We are very sorry for this. Please forgive us.
Perhaps the most unpleasant aspect of the family, indeed the trait that has caused the most discomfort and bleeding from the extremities is, of course, Bagatha's poetry. Bagatha Blackwood, the middle daughter of his Lord and Ladyship is well known among literary circles to be the progenitor of the Fourth Worst Poetry Known to Man. It is quite horrendous and rather uncomfortable to experience. In particular, the public reading of her poem "Ode to a Cyst" has been used to eliminate rodents and other vermin from the immediate vicinity. They are more than just unpleasant to experience, they are punishment. And with that in mind, we are unfortunately sharing them with you.
In our most recent Terrible Tale, A Continuation of Horrible Events, we have included several of her poetic efforts in order to fully demonstrate how painful the written word can be. The pen is indeed mightier than the sword, especially when jammed into your eye sockets to make the agony stop.
Click here for the newest Terrible Tale on DrivethruRPG.
...and we don't recommend seeking out the third worst poetry known to Man. It may result in the explosion of the world itself. But don't panic, it's just something we've been told.
~Your Friends at Monkeyfun
Concerning Terrible Blows To The Back of the Head
3 months ago
– Sun, Apr 08, 2018 at 01:50:02 AM
Hello once again, my lovelies.
When we are children, parents attempt to be humorous - often in the most uncomfortable manner as possible. Un-amusing anecdotes or puns, repeated ad nauseum with the sole intent of finding mirth in the reaction to the poor quality of the quip's actual entertainment value. The true merit is the lack of merit. They call these "dad jokes". And they are excruciating.
There is the old saw in which one complains about an abdominal cramp or other malady, to which the respondent smacks the back of the skull with the rejoinder, "There. Now your stomach doesn't hurt anymore, does it." And then the appendix ruptures. Authorities are called. Family lives are ruined. And we all laugh in good cheer during our weekly therapy session, reflecting on the broken elements of our repressed memories of childhood.
In order to improve your experience with Bedlam Hall, we have provided a compendium of both the character sheets previously provided as well as a reference sheet for the Master of the House that details the Master's Agenda, Principles and information about the House and Family. This Collection of Horrible Accoutrements is now available for download on DrivethruRPG at no cost in order to assist your gameplay. We must confess however, we are concerned we may be making things worse for you by providing this accompaniment - by making things easier, we know it will encourage more exposure to this terrible experience. There is no win here. Just varying degrees of discomfort.
Not unlike Bedlam Hall itself.
Find your copy of A Collection of Horrible Accoutrements here.
We will continue to have additional Bedlam Hall items making their presentation, which unfortunately will be sharing with you as they ready themselves for release. Your relationship with us simply isn't going to get better.
~Your Friends at Monkeyfun
Considering Gratitude in the Face of Time's Subtle Cruelty
7 months ago
– Sun, Dec 31, 2017 at 04:55:50 PM
Hello and happy holidays, my lovelies.
As we conclude the year, we would like to thank you, our generous and devoted friends, for your support to Bedlam Hall in the face of the colorful and spirited series of events that made 2017 what it was. We're certain you will look back through the misty-colored lenses of nostalgia at what has transpired this year with fond remembrance and a soft, warm feeling in your heart. It's quite the feeling to be certain it's all quite irreparable and never to be the same no matter how hard we may try.
But one does what one can, and we've certainly endeavored to make the memories you will be holding of this year as unforgettable as possible, although today's advances of electroshock therapy will certainly make an attempt to do so. Nevertheless, we do think fondly of you and will continue to do so in the new year. Do not foolishly assume we will no longer be sending out the occasional missives regarding Bedlam Hall and its appurtenance. There are indeed things to be revealed quite soon.
If you are among the very, very few who have yet to receive your promised items, please contact us immediately so we can investigate why you were spared and make appropriate reparations. We certainly don't want you to feel left out, you deserve what you are owed indeed.
From all of us here on staff at Bedlam Hall, we wish you a prosperous and peaceful new year. Ta, darlings!
~Your friends at Monkeyfun
Concerning the Season of the Witch...
9 months ago
– Mon, Oct 23, 2017 at 12:43:35 AM
Hello again, my lovelies...
Are you looking forward to Halloween? We know we are. We do love to see the faces of the neighborhood children visiting our doorstep, dressed in their delightful costumes, asking for treats. And the look on their faces as they bite into a caramel-covered onion is something we treasure every year. Call us nostalgic, we won't deny your claim.
As we quickly continue toward All Hallows Eve, we wanted to acknowledge that all Backer and pre-order purchases have been shipped and should be en route if you have not received them already. In addition, Bedlam Hall is now available for purchase from both DrivethruRPG and Indie Press Revolution. For those of you who wish to purchase Gruel Truck, there are slight differences between the two outlets we wanted you to be aware:
DrivethruRPG will only be carrying the core book of Gruel Truck, which includes all rules and both Truck Cards for character sheets for photocopy.
Indie Press Revolution is carrying the "Supersized version", which also includes 4 paper hats and separate Truck cards.
Both are excellent purchases, and we recommend acquiring them according to your personal tastes in hatwear.
For those of you who also purchased the Terrible Tale of an Unsettling Tradition, the electronic copy is available in advance, for all backers through BackerKit as part of the Digital Downloads. On October 31, it will then become available through DrivethruRPG to all others.
Speaking of Digital Downloads, a few people have requested versions of the character Playbooks in a higher resolution. We are currently working on this, and will be providing this soon. However, the current versions of the character Playbooks are perfectly fine. But we will keep you up to date on its progress.
We are also delighted to inform you first that Bedlam Hall and all our fine Monkeyfun products will be available through Studio 2 Publishing. We are very excited and pleased to join the Studio 2 Family, because frankly our regular family doesn't care for us at all.
And finally, we wanted to share with you a contributed photograph sent to us from Mr. Bryce Whitacre of Fearlight Games, who has delightfully subjected his gaming group to the Bedlam Hall experience. Quite a lovely table, don't you think?
We hope your Halloween is absolutely delightful, and do enjoy the candy. Don't we all deserve a little sweetness in our lives? Do be safe however. We're not 100% certain all of those Halloween decorations on the lawn are strictly for decoration...
~Your friends at Monkeyfun
Concerning Blood Red Letter Days...
9 months ago
– Tue, Oct 10, 2017 at 09:31:00 PM
Hello hello, my lovelies...
We wish you a happiest Autumnal season, with the most delightful of holidays of the year to begin. It's like a Christmas in reverse, it would seem. So many of you, snuggled in your beds, praying that no unwanted packages arrive at your door as a horrible surprise. But unlike a visit from good Saint Nick, we do not discriminate on whether you've been bad or good this year. Everyone is equally punished with the same reward. Almost as if you all are on the Naughty List this year. Who would guess?
With an extremely slight number of exceptions, all books have been mailed out and are making their way to you as we speak. If you have not received your book yet, fret not. Our terrible powers are unfortunately nothing compared to the Dark Elder Gods of the U.S. Postal Service. However, if you do not receive your package in the next couple of weeks, we will make the appropriate offerings to The Great Mailed One and address appropriately.
For all those unfortunate souls who have missed out on both the Kickstarter campaign and the pre-order option, both Bedlam Hall and Gruel Truck will be available on DrivethruRPG and Indie Press Revolution this Friday, October 13th. How coincidental, that. However, for all of you lucky devils that have made proper precautions, you will be able to download the first Terrible Tale through the Downloads section of your Backerkit account. Friday the 13th brings terrible things to us all.
Speaking of Downloads, we want to remind you that Bedlam Hall character sheets/Playbooks are also available within the Download section. We wouldn't want you to think you had to write anything down by hand, of course. Not in this day of electronic wonder. Nay nay.
Once you have received your parcels, feel free to send us photographic evidence it has arrived. We will happily share the best presentations we receive, not unlike this lovely image taken by our dear friend Violet who shared her copy with her friend Alice and her cat -
It does cut quite the jib, does it not? We look forward to seeing yours, now that we've shown you ours. Did that sound untoward? We never know.
~Your friends at Monkeyfun