Concerning Electrical Burns and Fulfillment Surveys
10 months ago
– Wed, Mar 29, 2017 at 09:16:37 PM
Dear Friends -
Once again, we thank you for sharing the terrible burden of Bedlam Hall with us, it is so comforting to know we won't be shouldering the blame alone.
We have spoken with Professor Backerkit regarding the execution of his crowdfunding device and he has recommended a few precautions to be considered prior to turning on power to the contraption. Although we will be bearing the brunt of possible electrocution and other maladies, there are certain items you should be aware of in regards to the process:
Those rapscallions at Kickstarter will first need to transfer over the funds, in order to produce these terrible items (this can take up to a fortnight, or two weeks for those of you that don't believe in "fortnights").
Second, there are certain questions that will need to be addressed, including where your items should be shipped. Professor Backerkit's device will send an electronic survey to collect this information, which we assure you will not be used against you whatsoever. Rest assured, we will give you proper warning before it is sent, in careful respect of those you who are easily startled by too many personal questions. You will not need to create a Backerkit account to answer your survey, mind you. The invitation email will contain a link to your personal survey.
It is important to submit your responses as quickly as humanly (or inhumanly) possible in order to process your rewards.
If you need to change your survey responses, add or remove add-ons, or update your shipping information, you can click on the link in your survey email again or request your survey link under "Lost your survey?" on our Backerkit project page. (This page will only start working after we send the surveys out.)
For those of youwho question whether the smoke and heavy fumes generated by the good professor's contraption is safe for your delicate condition, you can also message us to provide the information, but answering your survey will help us get your rewards to you more expeditiously.
If you used Facebook to log into your Kickstarter account, the Backerkit survey link will be sent to the email you used for that account. Feel free to verify the e-mail address, among your interesting cat photographs and shouted opinions about political events next time you visit there.
If you have another email address that you'd prefer to use however, please message us. We're more than happy to make this as painless a process as possible, however once you have received the items... we're no longer responsible for the pain or sadness they may inflict. One must draw the line somewhere.
Again, thank you for never speaking about where we hid the... our apologies, wrong correspondence. Thank you again for your support.
~The Monkeyfun Gang
Considering The Inevitable Finality of All Things
10 months ago
– Wed, Mar 15, 2017 at 11:09:04 PM
It’s quite the sobering thought, knowing the specific timing of one’s end. We like to think we go on forever, invulnerable to the passage of time while the moments slowly have their way with us. They drag us down, slow our step, weaken our constitutions, until finally we are merely a husk of what we once were, our high hopes slowly withering into painful regrets of what could have been, opportunities hopelessly squandered. And then, that horrid, dreadful moment we realize things have come to their unavoidable conclusion with no other options available.
Dear friends, that time is upon us.
For you poor souls who have contributed, you will be receiving an email via BackerKit that will instruct you on how to finalize your pledge information, select your add-ons, collect your mailing address (if necessary) tell us the name you want printed in the book's credits, and any other pledge level specific information. You'll also have the option to upgrade or add items to your pledge.
For those who might wallow in disappointment due to missing our Kickstarter campaign, be comforted. Just a bit. The books will be available for preorder through BackerKit. Once our dreadful artwork has been completed and horrendous text reviewed for proper use of the Queen’s English, we'll be preparing items for printing as soon as possible. Once a final approval for print version is completed, we'll make the electronic PDF’s available to backers.
We thank you sincerely for making Bedlam Hall a success. If you have any questions, feedback or comments please feel free to post them here on the Kickstarter project page, Facebook, Twitter, or on our website. You managed to show us there is indeed happiness and good hearts out there in a cold, dismal existence.
Considering Horrible Bloody Endings
10 months ago
– Tue, Mar 14, 2017 at 08:19:38 PM
The Ides of March is permanently carved into our collective consciousness, whether it stems from a scholarly interest in the history of ancient civilizations or a knowledge of humanities and the more colorful plot developments from William Shakespeare. But regardless of the source, we should always remember that March 15th is attributed to a moment in time where people came together in unison, bonded by a common purpose and forming a community of peers with one goal in mind.
Admittedly, that goal was stabbing someone to death. But let’s focus on the positive.
As we wind down toward the inevitable conclusion of our Kickstarter campaign (not unlike a grandfather clock riddled with gunfire), we are delighted to have reached our final Stretch Goal of the GRUEL TRUCK! mini-RPG being available to the appropriate backer levels. For those of you who selected the Continually Disturbing reward and above, this will mean you shall receive both a physical copy of the game as well as actual GRUEL TRUCK! paper hats. We believe tabletop games need more hats. And stabbings. But again, let's focus on the positive.
For those of you who have only selected the Physically Depressing reward, you will be receiving an electronic version of GRUEL TRUCK! (in addition to the electronic stretch goals, and the physical copy of Bedlam Hall). However, you still have a sliver of opportunity to increase your pledge to the Continually Depressing Reward and receive the physical copy of GRUEL TRUCK! and accompanying paper hats (along with the Not Cursed at All Challenge Coin).
Remember, time is quickly running out and we will be closing our campaign tomorrow morning once the rays of a warming sun part the dark clouds and murky morning air. However, once we have concluded the campaign, we will indeed have additional add-ons available for purchase through the wonders of Professor Backerkit's incredible crowdfunding device. Frankly we aren't sure how it works either. We suspect witchery.
So let us await the morrow and come together with a sense of accomplishment, one that does not involve stabbings. Yet.
Concerning Questionable Curses and Food Prepared By Barbarians
10 months ago
– Wed, Mar 08, 2017 at 10:19:41 PM
Oh thank heavens. Our curse has been lifted.
Well not the curse, mind you. Just our participation in it. Now that we’ve reached the $16K goal, we are relieved to distribute the (Not Cursed At All) Challenge Coin to all of you who backed on the Continually Disturbing level ($40) and beyond. But you’ll be fine, trust us. There is no evidence that anyone has perished due to these Challenge Coins, mostly because they were never seen again. But we do like your chances! They’re quite sporting, we feel.
The Final Disturbing Possibilities
As we continue toward the last length of our Kickstarter campaign, we believe it worthwhile to try and lighten spirits a touch. Not a great deal, mind you. Noooo, things are still awful and dreadful for everyone involved. But we wanted to provide a brief respite in the murk and lurk of Bedlam Hall with the opportunity to receive the first of our mini-RPG line - GRUEL TRUCK!
In GRUEL TRUCK!, players take the roles of former adventurers in Middle Earth, banding together to form a food truck and make their fortune with mighty spatulas in hand. Whether you opt to play a Dwarven Fry Cook, Wizard Counter-person or Barbarian Clean-Up Crew, you’ll find that serving hot sandwiches is just as hard as dealing out cold sharpened steel in the world of swords and sorcery.
In addition to the normal version of the game, GRUEL TRUCK! also allows for competitive play between multiple trucks. Ever wondered if you could run an RPG for 12 people? It’s not just possible, it’s hysterical! We brought GRUEL TRUCK to Strategicon Conventions and the players had a blast -
“I never knew being an Orc fry cook and serving up hot Goblin nibblets would be so rewarding.”
"Better than a Korean BBQ taco truck!"
“At last, the game we've been waiting for, food trucks in Middle Earth. Fresh and new, just like the food you'll be serving up."
“The Kosher Balrog, that I wasn't expecting.”
“Fast-paced and fun, it scratches an itch nobody knows they have, buried somewhere between a business simulation, an RPG and total chaos.”
Should we reach the $20,000 mark, not only will you get a free copy of the game, those who opted to receive the Continually Disturbing Reward and beyond will also receive GRUEL TRUCK! paper hats as part of the package. Ultimately, reaching this goal either provides a much needed light at the end of a dark, psychological tunnel or this is final proof of a morally bankrupt universe, spirally its way to a justifiable and sorely needed heat death to end this sort of madness.
Concerning Triskaidekaphobia and Cursed Coins
11 months ago
– Sun, Feb 26, 2017 at 07:53:44 PM
You probably don't know the word, but know the condition - Triskaidekaphobia is a mental condition, meaning "a fear of the number thirteen". Normally, it is deemed irrational, a superstitious holdover from a less sensible and uneducated time in our society.
And yet... Is there a better term to describe that unsettling dread that has been filling our hearts and minds as we slowly crept toward the $13K mark? An uneasiness scratching in the back of our minds, an invisible cut along the inside of our mouths that continually reminds us of its presence. No matter how we try to avoid it, we know it's there... waiting for us.
And now it has happened. The second Terrible Tale has been unlocked, despite all good intentions and hopes on our collective part. We have no one to blame but ourselves really. We are still deciding whether we will be sharing The Terrible Tale of Pride and Prescience (an unpleasant yarn about spiritualists and unfortunate secrets) or The Terrible Tale of the Continuation of Horrible Events (a discomforting diversion about orphans with the worst luck in the world). We welcome your input in this matter.
An Update On Our Artist's Unsettling Condition
After a lengthy and uncomfortable silence, we simply had to involve the authorities in checking on our artist's condition considering our last communication ended with strange gurgling and incoherent whispers. When they arrived, he had apparently locked himself in the basement and refused to come out until "the bad thing was out of his skull". We're not quite sure what that means either. However, he did slip the following character roughs under the door which would indicate he's continuing to make a form of progress. We think.
Regarding the Supposed Curse on Our Challenge Coins
We've received a few rather pointed questions about the $16,000 stretch goal of a commemorative challenge coin, so we would like to set the record straight so there's no more speculation or false information floating about. Challenge coins are historically shared among military units and organizations as a commemoration of special achievement and fellowship among its members. However we need to clarify the following:
There is no truth whatsoever to the accusation that the minting of these coins are in any way associated with the stolen "Bronze Scarab of Eh-Toh-Ta" statue, pilfered from the National Museum in London in 1856 by any member of the real Blackwood family. The Blackwood family did 100% comply with all questions from the authorities at the time and were not considered more than "temporary persons of interest".
Further, this Scarab statue was not found by the author of this work as part of his research into the historical background of the real Bethlehem Hall and Blackwood family. Nor was any supposed "curse" transferred to the author as part of that discovery.
This statue has not been melted down into these coins to hopefully break the curse or at least transfer this so-called "curse" to unsuspecting backers.
And finally, these coins do not share the same qualities as this so-called "cursed statue", and do not scream in any ancient or modern languages in the dead of night.
These are all simply not true. Trust us. You'll be fine. Or at least, you'll get used to it.